Couples in Distress

What went wrong?

Perhaps you have been growing apart, gradually over time, and have just awakened to the reality that you don’t know your partner anymore.

Or maybe a sudden occurrence or discovery has just thrown your whole relationship up in the air.

Whatever the reason, your marriage is in trouble.

You may be questioning whether you can even stay together – yet the thought of unraveling the life you have built together is overwhelming.

And it’s not just the two of you….

Other loved ones may be depending on your ability to work through this crisis together.

Shock. Anger. Fear. Grief. It’s overwhelming.

The confidence. The faith. The certainty you once had – all gone. It’s hard to know what steps to take.

You don’t have to go through this alone.

I can help.

I’ll provide a safe space for the two of you to speak the truth in love to each other – to sort through all the contradictory feelings to find the best way to move forward.

I’ll teach you how to address your most volatile issues in a way that brings you closer together, rather than splinters you apart.

I’ll help you clear the anger and pain so you can find clarity and healing.

All this doesn’t have to take that long – you’ll find relief quickly, usually after the first several sessions.

How did this happen to us?

Crises often result from avoiding, not facing or addressing, difficult issues with your partner. When those shadowed issues finally surface, they often blow up the current status quo – because things have to change.

But change doesn’t have to be negative.

Every crisis is an opportunity…

…to build a more authentic relationship.

But what does that mean?

Sometimes, that more authentic relationship means the dismantling of the current one – in order to re-invent something new – something stronger.

If you are both willing, this can be an intrepid and deeply fulfilling journey. I have been there and found that there is always a way back to love. 

When couples are asked to look back over a lifetime together and name the experiences that deepened their intimacy and bond the most with each other, they invariably mention the most difficult times.

Your ability to successfully face and resolve a breakdown or crisis strengthens your intimacy and trust in one another.

But what else could it mean?

Sometimes, the answer doesn’t mean staying together.

Sometimes, either or both of you might decide that the healthiest option is to separate.

If so, I’ll help you do so with mutual respect and care, so an ugly ending doesn’t undo all the goodness you’ve shared. As a result of your time together, you’ve both learned and grown – it’s important to honor that.

When you can separate with mutual concern, not as adversaries, it is a gift to your loved ones, and it frees you to rebuild your life without unnecessary baggage into your next relationships.

I can also refer you to family-centered mediators who will lead you through the separation process with heart and attention to the well-being of everyone concerned.

Nuts and Bolts…

We’ll start our work together with an hour alone with each of you, so I can understand the important issues and feelings you each need to address.

In our first couples’ session, we’ll make a contract concerning the length of time during which you are both willing to be engaged in working on your relationship and during which neither one will exit (or threaten to exit the relationship) – usually between 3-6 months.

Making a permanent decision in the middle of a crisis is usually not a wise idea. At the end of the mutually agreed time frame, you’ll have much greater clarity and peace of mind.

Then we will decide what changes you need to make regarding living situation, money, individual therapy, and other support during the time frame, so you can both agree on a clear pathway forward.

Once we’ve set the framework, we can start addressing the core issues and hurts you face. This includes exploring everything that would need to change for each of you, before you can confidently move forward together.

We’ll rate each issue in terms of urgency and priority, and then go to work on the most important ones first.

I’ll guide you safely through each area of discontent to discover whether you and your partner can meet your mutual needs and requests for change.

One of the good things about a crisis is that there is nothing to lose by telling the truth.

Step through the darkness and into the light.

Throughout this process, you’ll change. You’ll encounter challenge, deep emotion, and huge growth.

But you can take comfort.

Together, we’ll create the safety for you to go where you need to and find resolution and clarity in your minds and hearts.

No matter the outcome, you’ll both emerge stronger on the other side.

Reach out today by calling me at (303) 946-6030 to begin that journey.