About

About Therapy

Married to an Alien?

It is natural to be attracted to people whose strengths and qualities differ from yours. Recognizing at some level that these are undeveloped aspects in yourself, you are drawn to become more whole.

Relationships where “opposites attract” offer excitement and opportunities for growth. Yet those same differences can drive you crazy in daily life! It’s a dilemma. However, there are effective ways to embrace and bridge those differences so that they bring you closer together, rather than creating alienation or despair.

I provide you with powerful and safe methods to confront and work through conflicts quickly. Each time you successfully do this, you will feel more trust that the two of you can work through whatever might arise in the future.

It doesn’t have to be that hard.

Would you prefer a root canal to whatever you imagine couple’s therapy to be? You are not alone in this misperception!

You may think of couple’s therapy as an excruciating and interminable experience of being confronted with everything you are doing wrong, which only makes things worse between you.

You might be reluctant to open that door and would rather resign yourself to whatever is not working.

You may be surprised to learn that, with the right tools, you will find rapid relief to long-standing problems so that you can actually resolve them and move on!

Rather than being engaged in a vague and unpredictable process, my simple, clear methods will guarantee that a conversation will turn out well for both of you. It doesn’t have to take that long! Sometimes just a few simple tweaks are all that are needed to turn a resigned or distressed relationship into one infused with passion and generosity.

Learn whole-face listening.

When you come into my office, you will not sit next to each other on the couch facing me and tell stories about each other. You will sit in chairs facing one another so that you can look at each other and watch each other’s expressions and body language.

I’ll guide you to take turns being a Speaker and a Listener.

The Listener’s job is to listen in such a way that your partner feels deeply heard and understood. The Speaker’s job is to follow a carefully sequenced outline designed so that your partner will listen with interest and understanding.

You will have a profound and meaningful dialogue about what matters most. We’ll find solutions so that you can leave with new things to try and practice in between sessions.

Allow enough time…

I do sessions for couples that are two hours in length, or longer if you want to work more intensively. In this time frame, both of you will have a chance to express all you need to say about the issue we are addressing. You will feel deeply heard and understood. Only then can we move productively to a resolution that works for you both.

I can’t tell you how many couples come into my office saying that the worst fights they have ever had were after leaving a 50-minute couple’s session! I don’t want to just stir things up and send you out without coming to a new and hopeful place about whatever we are discussing.

It may surprise you how fast two hours can go when you are really present and engaged with one another.

What’s possible…

Most marriages continue to fail, and people are getting married later and at a much lower rate than ever. However, at the same time, a “relational elite” reports a higher level of fulfillment and satisfaction than has been measured in the history of marriage.*

Do you know what the difference is? A “growth mindset.”

Couples who enjoy enduring, meaningful and passionate love invest in their relationship over time. They keep learning and growing, as individuals and as a couple, rather than settling for things being good enough.

*The All or Nothing Marriage by Eli Finkel